I'm back, bitches!

Well, well, well...guess who's back in effect?
Blind Fury's smashin' up like a fuckin' train wreck
Gonna be layin' down the law like Steven Segall
To bring this super awesome blog back to y'all.

Now I know lately there's been some raw blog chaffin'
Like Steve's balls after too much rough rub playin'
But I'm here to tell all you players that you ain't got shit
The Fury's gonna corn you a new one like G.I. Joe's Flint

So I'm here start big and kick it off with an explosion
I'm sure my new Top 5 list will start a commotion
So now I bring you a fancy treat without any more delay
The "Top 5 Action Movies Of All Time" list is now underway:

5. Robocop (1987): I assume that you've all seen "Robocop" five or six times so it's not necessary for me to go through the film's plot, except for that awesome part where he shoots that guy in the nards...that was fucking sweet...oh yeah, and that one dude who falls out of the toxic waste barrel and then gets creamed by that car. And if you haven't seen "Robocop" by now, it can only be for these reasons below:

THE ONLY FIVE GOOD REASONS NOT TO HAVE EVER SEEN "ROBOCOP"
1. You auditioned for the role of Robocop and are jealous that suckass Peter Weller got it and you didn't.
2. You are a girl.
3. You are in the Gin Blossoms.
4. Only saw "Robocop 2" and were totally pissed that Peter Weller didn't come back for "Robocop 3"
5. You are dead.

Best line: "Drop it"

4. Commando (1985): Easily Shwartnegger's second best (see #2 for his best) and holy shit, this movie is fucking tiz-ite. The plot goes like this, but again I'm sure I don't need to remind any of you: Alyssa Milano (Arnold's daughter) gets kidnapped for some reason (aside: did anyone buy her workout video "Teen Steam" because you thought she was so hot? Also, if anyone can find this video, I'm willing to pay top $) and John Matrix (dopest name ever) goes on a murderous hunting rampage to find her. After killing a few people in a plane, mall, etc., he runs into Rae Dawn Chonger and starts some torrid love affair, I think. Well, it doesn't really matter. What matters is the end of this movie where John rolls up to a beach carrying a fucking arsenal in 2 duffel bags and unloads carnal knowledge on Bennett's men, who can't seem take down the power of John Matrix. The best scene is when he's hiding in the shack and is out of ammo and needs to resort to good ole' fashioned tools to do the job: throws the circular saw blade and basically scalps a guy and then takes an axe up between the legs of another dude....pure fucking bliss.

Best Line: In the ending battle (see picture), John hurls a smoking pipe through the chest of Bennett and says "Let off some steam, Bennett"

3. Starship Troopers (1997): This might be the most contested one of the group, but you know, deep down, you fucking love it. Another Verhoven flick (also did Robocop), Max felt this movie was dumb and non-sensical. Well, no shit SHERLOCK! It's a fucking action movie to the EXTREME! Where else can you see the terrible acting of Denise Richards, the awesome acting of Jake Busey, a villian named Zander, a bunch of boobies in a shower scene, guys getting ripped in half by giant bugs, and whole army base being attacked by a sea full of insects. Look no further my friends, cuz this movie makes "Aliens" look like Tellatubbies. And even Doogie Howser is a scientist. What more do you want. If you have never seen this movie, you are a total loser. Or gay. Best scene...ummm, let's see...too many to count, bitches. Go rent it or borrow one of my many copies.

Best Line: Johnny Rico: "I'm from Buenos Aires, and I say kill 'em all."

2. Predator (1987): This movie has it all...the action, the violent spine ripping, Carl Weathers ("Action Jackson"), Jesse the Body, limbs getting blown off by Predator's awesome 3-laser pointer rockets, heat sensors getting fooled by mud. It's really too bad they had to ruin the good name of Predator with Danny Glover in "Predator 2" and the absolutely horrific "AvP". Goal in life: To save up $2,000 to buy the life size version of Predator (see picture and yes, they do sell them) and then put it my kid's nursery.

Plot: Dutch(Schwarzenegger) and a team of commandos have been sent into a Central American jungle to track down some missing airmen that were kidnapped by terrorists. Predator shows up and starts wasting each commando one by one, rips skulls and spine from body for snack later on. Final showdown between Arnold and Predator results in some awesome booby traps and green blood spurting. The hunted has become the hunter...just like "Surviving the Game" with my old pal Rutger. Directors cut of this movie shows Predator taking off mask and devouring Arnold's face with his super power jaw claw, or whatever you call it. Actually, I'm just fucking with you...but wouldn't that have been dopeshow?

Best line: Everyone thinks its "You are one ugly blah, blah, blah" but they are wrong. And dumb. The best line in this movie comes from Dutch (lying on the ground after being hit by Predator shoulder cannon, he motions to girl): "Run! Get to the choppa!"

Can you guess what #1 will be? I'll be back later to let you know. PE, what gives brother? All this no show is a no go...don't make me raise my paddlin' wand, cuz I will.

Also, I've been posting all my photos here. Check them out. Porn shots coming soon.