10 Ugliest People in the World

Ok, thanks to kojo's last posting, I read the hilarious "50 People in Most Need of a Beating"(http://www.thephatphree.com/features.asp?StoryID=1111&SectionID=1) and became inspired. Although my list will not be nearly as funny as the beating one, I thought that I'd have to at least give it a shot. Like I already said earlier, I steal everything funny, so don't be a Fury Hater. Now, without further ado, I give you the 10 ugliest people in the world.

10. Lyle Lovett - How this Muppet-looking, Flock of Seagulls hair stylin' gomer won the heart of Julia Roberts is beyond my comprehension. I mean, don't get me wrong...Julia is no litter pick in my opinion, but COME ON! This guy looks like he's constantly trying to take a shit. Ladies, this is why the reverse cowgirl was invented.



9. Randy Johnson - Ok, this guy should probably be lower on the list for this picture alone. What a man-whore, you damn Yankee! ("Can you take my hiiiighhhh enough?") Dude, that stache was only cool looking in that movie Smokey and the Bandit. And on Jeffery Dahmer. And there's this new thing called Proactive...it helps remove acne scars. Buy a shitload, cuz your face looks like a Texas oil drilling site. Or just get some sulfuric acid. I hear that works too. I bet Derek Jeter won't even talk to you because you are so ugly.

8. Tie - Bass player from Goo Goo Dolls and Bass Player from Death Cab for Cutie - Look, I'm sure they are really nice guys, but both of these dudes are trolls; short and meaty, full of mystery, and ugly. I'm not sure what bridge they crawled out from under, but "Dizzy Up the Girl" was the worst piece of shit I've ever listened to and I guarantee it was created, in some part, by Trolly McTrollerson over there on the left. Dude, goth and tinsel was sooo 1995. Please go away...forever. I can't be too mean to the Death Cab dude since they kinda help me get my groove on and shit...Hmmm...I don't think this too often, but hair plugs for men might just work for you. Or a paper bag. You choose.

7. Match.com girls - Holy shit, where to start with this one?! Ok, it only took me 30 seconds to find these picture, so I'm sure they are not the worst I could trudge up, but c'mon! I mean, first of all, nothing says easy and desperate like the kissy face girl...I'd rather jerk off to nipple slip pictures of Tara Reid than ever think of calling her. Second, NEVER wear a yellow hat! It makes you totally look like that guy from Curious George, which doesn't scream "sexy" to any man, except maybe Pure Energy; he's a closet monkey molester. Finally, put some effort into it. I mean, look, you are 200 pounds overweight, have greasy hair, and look like a dude...can I at least get a smile?

6. Lance Bass - I really don't know WHAT I have against this guy, but I just think he's ugly. I can't decide if it's his horrible bleach job, his boyish pale skin, or the fact that his eyes are spread too far apart...but it's something. Remember when he tried to shoot to the moon with Joey Fat One...that was sweet. I wonder what Lance is doing right now? I hope he's working on the sequel. I hope he calls it "I did the Moon, now it's Uranus"...and I hope it's gay porn.

Well, I'd love to finish up, but this whole thing took way too long already, so I'll have to do the top five later. I promise they will all be winners. I need to start packing.